Two weeks from Monday, I go home. When I arrive back home, I would have been gone for 13 and 1/2 months straight. A previous post of mine was "home is where the heart is." That is very true and it means that I have homes all over the world, but that doesn't stop me from missing the materialistic aspect of home. Who would ever say that they miss Mississippi? I do. Mississippi has a quality of hospitality like no other place I've been, and I've lived all over the world. When the Brits ask where I'm from I say Mississippi and they recognise the state because of the river and its peculiar spelling.
It's the little things I miss about home: American products, Southern cooking (ok, well that's a rather big thing), rain and thunderstorms (the latter is a rarity in the UK--i've experience only two this year), my own bedroom and all my gadgets and gizmos i've collected over the years, etc....ya get the picture?
About Moi
- Bo
- United Kingdom
- Budding scholar, voice student, horn student, piano princess, swim buff, choir nerd, practice fiend, exchange student, former cathedral chorister, Dean's chorister, young diva
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Thursday, October 15, 2009
I am the Light of the World
In various religions and cultures such as Judaism, lights play a symbolic role in ceremonies. For instance, during Jewish Hanukkah, also called the Festival of Lights, the Menorah bears nine flames over a period of eight days with one candle lit anew per day. This symbolizes the rededication of the temple in Jerusalem. Similarly, the Catholic Church celebrates Advent, lighting a candle for each of the season’s four Sundays. Advent candles symbolise the determination of life during a harsh winter season. The wreaths, which surround the candles, symbolize the eternal cycle of the four seasons. Through the simple lighting of a candle, these festivals of light bear resemblance to the birth of Jesus by incorporating themes of illumination and rebirth.
Christmastime in the Thomas household means the house is filled with the aroma of burning firewood and Douglas fir pine needles. The house speakers sing the music of Mannheim Steamroller, The Polar Express soundtrack, and The Cambridge Singers. Warm scents waft from the kitchen as Mom or I prepare festive holiday treats. Lights twinkle from various trees around the house whilst Mom’s nutcracker collection stands proudly above and around the roaring hearth. If one takes a closer look around the den, one sees that Mom has an abundance of candles. In nearly every nook and cranny are candles of all sizes, pillars, tapers, tea lights, and large, chunky, tri-wicks. Candles are a central part of the Thomas household during the harvest and holiday season.
Candles hold many different purposes. Firstly, they provide light whether in complete darkness or dimly lit spaces. In Christianity, candles represent the light of Jesus corresponding with the verse from John 8:12, “I am the light of the world.” Jesus is essentially the flame of Christianity, the flame in the darkness. In the Bible, God is usually compared to a source of light or being surrounded by light; therefore, his Son receives the same treatment. Secondly, a candle’s flame serves as a guide. The Star of Bethlehem’s light also serves as a guide, leading others towards the Son of God. Jesus, as the “light of the world,” leads sinners towards eternal salvation. His birth symbolizes the birth of a new flame. When He was born into that lowly manger, God lit his earthly candle.
During my second year abroad, I have become more familiar with the different uses of candles. (Mind you, when I was in the states, I was hesitant about lighting a match.) While at Bangor, I lived at the Anglican Chaplaincy, a church hostel and chapel. In the chapel, a candle vigil stands near the altar. People are free to come in and light candles as a form of prayer or remembrance.
Before this year, I never truly understood the significance candles can play in my faith and I how interpret it. I have learned that candles do not consist of only wax and a wick. Instead, they are physical metaphors for guides that help us in the journey of life. These guides include Jesus and various friends and family members leading one through the maze of life’s dark trials. Jesus is my Saviour, but Jesus is also the steady, tall flame that guides me through every step of my life.
Take your candle and go light your world!
Christmastime in the Thomas household means the house is filled with the aroma of burning firewood and Douglas fir pine needles. The house speakers sing the music of Mannheim Steamroller, The Polar Express soundtrack, and The Cambridge Singers. Warm scents waft from the kitchen as Mom or I prepare festive holiday treats. Lights twinkle from various trees around the house whilst Mom’s nutcracker collection stands proudly above and around the roaring hearth. If one takes a closer look around the den, one sees that Mom has an abundance of candles. In nearly every nook and cranny are candles of all sizes, pillars, tapers, tea lights, and large, chunky, tri-wicks. Candles are a central part of the Thomas household during the harvest and holiday season.
Candles hold many different purposes. Firstly, they provide light whether in complete darkness or dimly lit spaces. In Christianity, candles represent the light of Jesus corresponding with the verse from John 8:12, “I am the light of the world.” Jesus is essentially the flame of Christianity, the flame in the darkness. In the Bible, God is usually compared to a source of light or being surrounded by light; therefore, his Son receives the same treatment. Secondly, a candle’s flame serves as a guide. The Star of Bethlehem’s light also serves as a guide, leading others towards the Son of God. Jesus, as the “light of the world,” leads sinners towards eternal salvation. His birth symbolizes the birth of a new flame. When He was born into that lowly manger, God lit his earthly candle.
During my second year abroad, I have become more familiar with the different uses of candles. (Mind you, when I was in the states, I was hesitant about lighting a match.) While at Bangor, I lived at the Anglican Chaplaincy, a church hostel and chapel. In the chapel, a candle vigil stands near the altar. People are free to come in and light candles as a form of prayer or remembrance.
Before this year, I never truly understood the significance candles can play in my faith and I how interpret it. I have learned that candles do not consist of only wax and a wick. Instead, they are physical metaphors for guides that help us in the journey of life. These guides include Jesus and various friends and family members leading one through the maze of life’s dark trials. Jesus is my Saviour, but Jesus is also the steady, tall flame that guides me through every step of my life.
Take your candle and go light your world!
Friday, October 9, 2009
I Love America, My Home Country
I love America and not for the following reasons:
1. America is the world's military powerhouse.
2. America is the land of Hollywood, jazz, blues, country music, shopping malls, amusement parks, gridiron football, and sports utility vehicles.
3. Americans are a free people.
I love America because I was born there and that's where the majority of my family lives. Sure, I don't like EVERYTHING about the U.S.A., but then can a person honestly say they love everything about their country?
What I do not like and what grates on my nerves is when others call facets of a culture "stupid" because it is different from their own. Difference is what makes up a culture. America is a larger country and speaks English (or Americanese as Mom says). We do have different words, pronunciations, and spellings from the United Kingdom, but in no way does that make our version wrong or stupid. Think about people that have never ventured to the UK. If an American toddler says "aluminum" instead of "aluminium," or "cookie" instead of "biscuit," does this mean that this 2 year old child is stupid or that he/she was raised stupidly? We are American. We are not British and therefore, we have our differences.
In my honest opinion, I think some Brits are still smarting from America's break for independence over 200 years ago.
I end this vent with a Don't judge my culture with a closed mind especially when you've never been there and don't rat on it, because I sure as heck don't rat on yours. I am an American and I love things about the UK that we don't have in the States. You saw me adapt to your culture this year. Everytime you say, this and that that's American is stupid, that only makes me more fiercly loyal to my homeland than ever.
Vent over.
1. America is the world's military powerhouse.
2. America is the land of Hollywood, jazz, blues, country music, shopping malls, amusement parks, gridiron football, and sports utility vehicles.
3. Americans are a free people.
I love America because I was born there and that's where the majority of my family lives. Sure, I don't like EVERYTHING about the U.S.A., but then can a person honestly say they love everything about their country?
What I do not like and what grates on my nerves is when others call facets of a culture "stupid" because it is different from their own. Difference is what makes up a culture. America is a larger country and speaks English (or Americanese as Mom says). We do have different words, pronunciations, and spellings from the United Kingdom, but in no way does that make our version wrong or stupid. Think about people that have never ventured to the UK. If an American toddler says "aluminum" instead of "aluminium," or "cookie" instead of "biscuit," does this mean that this 2 year old child is stupid or that he/she was raised stupidly? We are American. We are not British and therefore, we have our differences.
In my honest opinion, I think some Brits are still smarting from America's break for independence over 200 years ago.
I end this vent with a Don't judge my culture with a closed mind especially when you've never been there and don't rat on it, because I sure as heck don't rat on yours. I am an American and I love things about the UK that we don't have in the States. You saw me adapt to your culture this year. Everytime you say, this and that that's American is stupid, that only makes me more fiercly loyal to my homeland than ever.
Vent over.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Water
I've always wondered why I feel so close to water, the oceans and the seas. Maybe it's because I was born in a summer month and in Florida, or because my star sign is Cancer. Nope, it is none of those reasons.
Me being the nerd that I am figured this out two days ago. Water is connected to my undergrad and doctoral research. And you're probably wondering how does she figure that? Think about it. Water is composed of 3 parts: 1 Oxygen and 2 Hydrogen. If it were to be missing one of these parts, it would no longer be water. This same concept applies to tintinnabulation. A triad consists of three notes. (Although theoretically, a triad can exist without the third (also called the second note)). Anywho, those three notes complete the tintinnabular voice in tintinnabulation's construction. These are the notes that resemble bells, another large portion of my life.
Water can contract and form ice, and I'm guessing it expands to form gas whilst still consisting of these molecules. Same goes for tintinnabulation. It can form the most minimal of pieces or one can expand on the musical molecules to form a full symphony. I wasn't kidding when I said this holy minimalistic music is like a drug to me.
On to doctoral research. First comes background reading on Arvo Part, Henry Gorecki, and John Tavener--from Estonia, Poland, and England, a very nice mixture. :)
Me being the nerd that I am figured this out two days ago. Water is connected to my undergrad and doctoral research. And you're probably wondering how does she figure that? Think about it. Water is composed of 3 parts: 1 Oxygen and 2 Hydrogen. If it were to be missing one of these parts, it would no longer be water. This same concept applies to tintinnabulation. A triad consists of three notes. (Although theoretically, a triad can exist without the third (also called the second note)). Anywho, those three notes complete the tintinnabular voice in tintinnabulation's construction. These are the notes that resemble bells, another large portion of my life.
Water can contract and form ice, and I'm guessing it expands to form gas whilst still consisting of these molecules. Same goes for tintinnabulation. It can form the most minimal of pieces or one can expand on the musical molecules to form a full symphony. I wasn't kidding when I said this holy minimalistic music is like a drug to me.
On to doctoral research. First comes background reading on Arvo Part, Henry Gorecki, and John Tavener--from Estonia, Poland, and England, a very nice mixture. :)
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Sleep for a year
I submitted my Masters dissertation this morning. In the UK, marks do not arrive until 2 months after submission; however, my advisor was quite positive about the work in its early stages and was "quite positive it will pass the Board of Examiners." So, yay. Next on the agenda for today is sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. Lots and lots of sleep.
Boston abstract is due tomorrow. Hopefully Pwyll will get back with me on my abstract draft. If not, I'll edit the best I can, make it stand out in a good way, send it to Boston, and hope for the best.
You know that scene from Return of the King (Lord of the Rings) where Frodo and Sam are resting on Mount Doom, with the lava and ash flying all around. Frodo finally feels the weight of the ring lifted and says, "It's gone. It's done." That's the way I feel now. Heh, right, back to bed for me.
Boston abstract is due tomorrow. Hopefully Pwyll will get back with me on my abstract draft. If not, I'll edit the best I can, make it stand out in a good way, send it to Boston, and hope for the best.
You know that scene from Return of the King (Lord of the Rings) where Frodo and Sam are resting on Mount Doom, with the lava and ash flying all around. Frodo finally feels the weight of the ring lifted and says, "It's gone. It's done." That's the way I feel now. Heh, right, back to bed for me.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Dissertation and Boston
Well, friends, today is September 25. I would be submitting today if the School of Music stuck by their original deadline. My diss is now due in five days. I will finish Chapter 4 this morning and start polishing Chapter 3 aiming for a Sunday finish date, so I can reformat the entire document. I am now asking myself why I left Chapter 3 for last. In reality, Chapter 2 (the one with the least revision) was polished first. Chapter 1 was completely rewritten and that took a few days. In regards to Chapters 3 and 4, I'm adding material and cutting very little of it. So that puppy is due in its bound form on September 30 to the College of Arts and Humanities.
I just found out last night that the deadline for papers for a conference on my Ph.D. topic is one day after my dissertation submission deadline, October 1. You submit abstracts first and then they select from a pool of applicants. My Ph.D. topic, as mentioned in earlier posts, is an expansion from my undergraduate research: discovering the medieval and renaissance techniques that Arvo Pärt uses in his tintinnabular composition style. This conference takes place on March 26-27 at Boston University combining the Schools of Theology and Music for Arvo Pärt and Contemporary Spirituality. It is also the composer's 75th birthday, so I wouldn't be surprised at all if he was present.
My opinion is even though that deadline is very close, I would be the world's biggest moron if I did not send an abstract. This is my composer whose music I will probably study for the rest of my days and opportunity is definitely knocking at my window, if not banging on my door. If I don't get accepted, then I will at least have the peace of mind that I did submit to a conference within my specialty.
On the plus side, my paper, which I presented at the North West North Wales Music Postgraduate Exchange at Manchester University, is on the Boston conference's topic. I am not sure if it is prudent in academia to redeliver a paper, but my audience would be different this time around consisting mostly of post-docs, so I'm sure it would not hurt. The Boston conference requires a 25 minute paper so I would need to expand my presentation by 10 minutes. I have an abstract ready from the last conference, that I need to expand as well by 200 words. It's definitely doable and I was bouncing around last night like a kid on Christmas morning when I discovered the conference thanks to an old counterpoint prof of my mine from undergrad. November 1 is when I would find out whether my abstract was accepted.
The way I look at it..
If I get accepted: I have another conference to add to my resume. I get to go to Boston for the first time, or "Beantown." I'm already starting my Ph.D. research as soon as this beast is done-no worries regardless.
If I don't get accepted: I still get to attend the conference as a curious scholar. And I get to see Wicked in New Orleans with Annie. And I'll have that peace of mind just the same and may to get to meet Arvo Pärt!
Eitber way, I win.
I just found out last night that the deadline for papers for a conference on my Ph.D. topic is one day after my dissertation submission deadline, October 1. You submit abstracts first and then they select from a pool of applicants. My Ph.D. topic, as mentioned in earlier posts, is an expansion from my undergraduate research: discovering the medieval and renaissance techniques that Arvo Pärt uses in his tintinnabular composition style. This conference takes place on March 26-27 at Boston University combining the Schools of Theology and Music for Arvo Pärt and Contemporary Spirituality. It is also the composer's 75th birthday, so I wouldn't be surprised at all if he was present.
My opinion is even though that deadline is very close, I would be the world's biggest moron if I did not send an abstract. This is my composer whose music I will probably study for the rest of my days and opportunity is definitely knocking at my window, if not banging on my door. If I don't get accepted, then I will at least have the peace of mind that I did submit to a conference within my specialty.
On the plus side, my paper, which I presented at the North West North Wales Music Postgraduate Exchange at Manchester University, is on the Boston conference's topic. I am not sure if it is prudent in academia to redeliver a paper, but my audience would be different this time around consisting mostly of post-docs, so I'm sure it would not hurt. The Boston conference requires a 25 minute paper so I would need to expand my presentation by 10 minutes. I have an abstract ready from the last conference, that I need to expand as well by 200 words. It's definitely doable and I was bouncing around last night like a kid on Christmas morning when I discovered the conference thanks to an old counterpoint prof of my mine from undergrad. November 1 is when I would find out whether my abstract was accepted.
The way I look at it..
If I get accepted: I have another conference to add to my resume. I get to go to Boston for the first time, or "Beantown." I'm already starting my Ph.D. research as soon as this beast is done-no worries regardless.
If I don't get accepted: I still get to attend the conference as a curious scholar. And I get to see Wicked in New Orleans with Annie. And I'll have that peace of mind just the same and may to get to meet Arvo Pärt!
Eitber way, I win.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Attitude of Gratitude
I do not think I have ever dedicated an entire post as an attitude of gratitude. I should do it more often.
Firstly, I am thankful that I have what I need: air in my lungs, food in the cupboard, clothes on my body, and a roof over my head. Ya know, back when I was first told that my housing contract ended before my course, I was very worried. My point is that having sleeping on the floor with pillows and blankets is better than nothing at all. In fact, it's somewhat like camping for 6 weeks...and camping is fun right? RIGHT! I have what I need for the remainder of my stay here and I have what I need to finish polishing my dissertation.
Secondly, I am thankful for my family. They have cheered me on from the beginning and this hasn't been an easy year for them either. I am almost done with my masters degree and I owe that degree to them. It is not just mine. I did not earn it alone. I had people behind me pushing me back up when I fell.
Thirdly, and this one may sound completely random, I am thankful for what rain brings. Sure it helps plants grow and makes the grass greener and the streets shinier, but rain has a very therapeutic quality. One of my favourite things is to relax with candles, a book, or a game while it is pouring rain outside, especially in the winter. Everybody knows I have a special affinity for the harvest season (including Thanksgiving and Christmas) because it is a time for family. The music is pretty good too! What does that have to do with rain though? Rain reminds me of these times--time for cold-weather clothing and bundling up in blankets and quilts, time for the whole family to gather around a table to celebrate thanks for the past year, time for log fires and for the falling rain to freeze and turn into snow.
Fourthly, I am thankful for candles and log fires. At home, Mom is a candle nut and has loads of tealights, pillars, tapers, and big chunky tri-wick candles. I think, I too, am becoming a candle nut. Scented candles are nice, but I love equally the non-scented ones. The smell of a burning wick and log fires again remind me of the harvest season. At my house in Mississippi, we have a large brick fireplace of which the family makes great use of during colder months. To me, a log fire represents security. A fire's job is to provide warmth for a house hold or possibly cook food. It essentially provides. This is what a family does for each other. At the house in Georgia, we have multiple log fire places, a true sign of country living. :)
Fifthly, I am thankful for one of my housemates. I have said in the past that I wasn't thankful for him and that I was suspicious of him because of his past deeds. He doesn't have the most likeable personality and likes to tease, but he did something for me a few days ago that somewhat opened my eyes. I was on the search for my suitcase which contained non-holey socks. My feet were freezing. Now, both CC and I were homeless at this point. I walked past his temporary room, greeted him, and he asked what I was searching for. I told him that I had a pair in my suitcase, but he thrusted a pair of men's black and rainbow striped socks at me, telling me to take them. At first I refused because he was giving his socks away and I had a decent pair in my suitcase anyway. Knowing CC, he did not let me leave his room without those socks in hand. I thank him for that and also for helping me with meals this entire summer. Who cares what he has done in the past? Some of Jesus's disciples in their former professions were some of the most dishonest people you could meet. What matters is what he is doing now. The past is the past. Let it remain in the past and I apologise for making close friends aware of his past deeds.
Sixthly, I am thankful for instant grits. Annie sent me a tube of them during the first term. Between the middle of August and September, I consumed that entire tube. I'm not a big grits eater at home unless I make them myself for I am picky about their consistency and texture. Pipin hot cheesy, buttery, peppery grits in the United Kingdom is a big taste from home.
MWAH!
Firstly, I am thankful that I have what I need: air in my lungs, food in the cupboard, clothes on my body, and a roof over my head. Ya know, back when I was first told that my housing contract ended before my course, I was very worried. My point is that having sleeping on the floor with pillows and blankets is better than nothing at all. In fact, it's somewhat like camping for 6 weeks...and camping is fun right? RIGHT! I have what I need for the remainder of my stay here and I have what I need to finish polishing my dissertation.
Secondly, I am thankful for my family. They have cheered me on from the beginning and this hasn't been an easy year for them either. I am almost done with my masters degree and I owe that degree to them. It is not just mine. I did not earn it alone. I had people behind me pushing me back up when I fell.
Thirdly, and this one may sound completely random, I am thankful for what rain brings. Sure it helps plants grow and makes the grass greener and the streets shinier, but rain has a very therapeutic quality. One of my favourite things is to relax with candles, a book, or a game while it is pouring rain outside, especially in the winter. Everybody knows I have a special affinity for the harvest season (including Thanksgiving and Christmas) because it is a time for family. The music is pretty good too! What does that have to do with rain though? Rain reminds me of these times--time for cold-weather clothing and bundling up in blankets and quilts, time for the whole family to gather around a table to celebrate thanks for the past year, time for log fires and for the falling rain to freeze and turn into snow.
Fourthly, I am thankful for candles and log fires. At home, Mom is a candle nut and has loads of tealights, pillars, tapers, and big chunky tri-wick candles. I think, I too, am becoming a candle nut. Scented candles are nice, but I love equally the non-scented ones. The smell of a burning wick and log fires again remind me of the harvest season. At my house in Mississippi, we have a large brick fireplace of which the family makes great use of during colder months. To me, a log fire represents security. A fire's job is to provide warmth for a house hold or possibly cook food. It essentially provides. This is what a family does for each other. At the house in Georgia, we have multiple log fire places, a true sign of country living. :)
Fifthly, I am thankful for one of my housemates. I have said in the past that I wasn't thankful for him and that I was suspicious of him because of his past deeds. He doesn't have the most likeable personality and likes to tease, but he did something for me a few days ago that somewhat opened my eyes. I was on the search for my suitcase which contained non-holey socks. My feet were freezing. Now, both CC and I were homeless at this point. I walked past his temporary room, greeted him, and he asked what I was searching for. I told him that I had a pair in my suitcase, but he thrusted a pair of men's black and rainbow striped socks at me, telling me to take them. At first I refused because he was giving his socks away and I had a decent pair in my suitcase anyway. Knowing CC, he did not let me leave his room without those socks in hand. I thank him for that and also for helping me with meals this entire summer. Who cares what he has done in the past? Some of Jesus's disciples in their former professions were some of the most dishonest people you could meet. What matters is what he is doing now. The past is the past. Let it remain in the past and I apologise for making close friends aware of his past deeds.
Sixthly, I am thankful for instant grits. Annie sent me a tube of them during the first term. Between the middle of August and September, I consumed that entire tube. I'm not a big grits eater at home unless I make them myself for I am picky about their consistency and texture. Pipin hot cheesy, buttery, peppery grits in the United Kingdom is a big taste from home.
MWAH!
Sunday, September 20, 2009
In the Arms of the Angels
Yesterday, I was informed that one of my closest friends and the mother of my godchildren had a miscarriage. Ever since then, Sarah McLachlan's song "In the Arms of the Angels" has been stuck in my head. I know that Andrew/Rebekah is in God's hands now and it wasn't his/her time. Everything happens for a reason and God knows best.
It's funny how the weather can sometimes teach the most important lessons. For example, here in Wales, the weather is always weird. This morning, it was raining whilst partly cloudy and sunny. Do you know what that says to me? When the rain is pouring down and dark times are upon us, God is always there. The SON still shines though the clouds may hide him, or as in the case of this morning, partially hide him.
To punish myself for not enough of a productive day yesterday and the day before, I'm missing church this morning. I will download the sermon when it's posted online of course, but I'm working this morning, afternoon, and evening. I do want to hear tonight's sermon. It's called "Taking the Plunge." Should be interesting.
When the dissertation is complete here's what I have to look forward to: practising for my recital, my recital, working on Annie's afghan, crabbing, climbing Snowdon in the dark, spending quality time with good friends, reading Hemingway and Albom, starting Ph.D. research, watching movies on the big screen, attempting to make peanut butter cookies, and writing Christmas stories for Butterbean, Peanut, Nemo, and Trini.
It's funny how the weather can sometimes teach the most important lessons. For example, here in Wales, the weather is always weird. This morning, it was raining whilst partly cloudy and sunny. Do you know what that says to me? When the rain is pouring down and dark times are upon us, God is always there. The SON still shines though the clouds may hide him, or as in the case of this morning, partially hide him.
To punish myself for not enough of a productive day yesterday and the day before, I'm missing church this morning. I will download the sermon when it's posted online of course, but I'm working this morning, afternoon, and evening. I do want to hear tonight's sermon. It's called "Taking the Plunge." Should be interesting.
When the dissertation is complete here's what I have to look forward to: practising for my recital, my recital, working on Annie's afghan, crabbing, climbing Snowdon in the dark, spending quality time with good friends, reading Hemingway and Albom, starting Ph.D. research, watching movies on the big screen, attempting to make peanut butter cookies, and writing Christmas stories for Butterbean, Peanut, Nemo, and Trini.
Friday, September 18, 2009
Leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again. Oh babe, I hate to go.
Well, haha, not for a few weeks anyway. Today is September 18. A friend of mine at Keele, Aless, submits her dissertation today. She says after turning in that beast of paper, she's no longer a student. Well, she's both right and wrong. Right in the sense that she is no longer a student at Keele. Wrong in that she is no longer a student. A student's job is to absorb the world around them, process new knowledge and information, make discoveries, question why their world works a certain way, etc. Basically, you are a student until the day you die.
Today is an odd day for me. Firstly, I'm editing my dissertation's first chapter. Plans are to cut a big portion of it. Professor said to ruthlessly chuck out details that have no relation to my argument. He's right and with my second chapter's expanded wordcount, there should be no problem in doing so. I just want the page count for this chapter to be substantial for the info within. Secondly, I'm moving out of my room and into a suitcase for the next 6 weeks. Big yikes. I'm bedless but still working on that monster paper. But I'm taking it with an attitude of gratitude.
1. To my landlord and chaplain for allowing me to stay around and sleep on other friend's floors so I can complete my course and prepare for departure.
2. To my professor for seriously helping me to get this far. I am weeks away from completing my masters, which after this year, is a huge achievement.
3. To my folks for making me stay here like 2 extra weeks so we could get a plane ticket whilst saving $400.
4. To the embassy for offering emergency passports. I pay the full price as an original in London, but when I return home, I mail the normal passport application and my valid emergency passport to New Orleans to receive my new one free of charge.
5. To family and friends both here and at home, thank you for your support, prayers, hugs, high-fives, and really everything you've done.
MWAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, haha, not for a few weeks anyway. Today is September 18. A friend of mine at Keele, Aless, submits her dissertation today. She says after turning in that beast of paper, she's no longer a student. Well, she's both right and wrong. Right in the sense that she is no longer a student at Keele. Wrong in that she is no longer a student. A student's job is to absorb the world around them, process new knowledge and information, make discoveries, question why their world works a certain way, etc. Basically, you are a student until the day you die.
Today is an odd day for me. Firstly, I'm editing my dissertation's first chapter. Plans are to cut a big portion of it. Professor said to ruthlessly chuck out details that have no relation to my argument. He's right and with my second chapter's expanded wordcount, there should be no problem in doing so. I just want the page count for this chapter to be substantial for the info within. Secondly, I'm moving out of my room and into a suitcase for the next 6 weeks. Big yikes. I'm bedless but still working on that monster paper. But I'm taking it with an attitude of gratitude.
1. To my landlord and chaplain for allowing me to stay around and sleep on other friend's floors so I can complete my course and prepare for departure.
2. To my professor for seriously helping me to get this far. I am weeks away from completing my masters, which after this year, is a huge achievement.
3. To my folks for making me stay here like 2 extra weeks so we could get a plane ticket whilst saving $400.
4. To the embassy for offering emergency passports. I pay the full price as an original in London, but when I return home, I mail the normal passport application and my valid emergency passport to New Orleans to receive my new one free of charge.
5. To family and friends both here and at home, thank you for your support, prayers, hugs, high-fives, and really everything you've done.
MWAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Friday, September 11, 2009
Taking Out the Trash - Wisdom from Mark Twain
"Whenever you find you are on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect."
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things [that] you didn't do
than by the ones [that] you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great."
"The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter."
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
HA!
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things [that] you didn't do
than by the ones [that] you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great."
"The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter."
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
HA!
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Approval, Acceptance, and Moving On
**In the name of Jesus Christ, I protect this blog and my future thoughts. I also ask for protection against any emotional upheaval that may impair my mind. Jesus, I am so close to finishing. Help me to successfully cross the finish line.**
Regarding my recent post on Palestrina enlightenment, my DA said this is a "very convincing interpretation." Kudos to me and him!
I am editing what is to be the second draft of my dissertation, and hopefully the final if it passes the boards and I do what is required.
On to other things on my mind. I've been thinking a lot lately about the famous phrase "Never make someone a priority when they make you an option." Why spend all of your energy chasing after someone that doesn't want to be chased?
I get on Facebook and turn my chat on. Before I know it, around 5 friends have popped up with messages saying "Hi! How are ya?" or picking up where the last conversation left off. Some friends will just greet me with a "hey" while others do so with a nickname or even a smiley, or both. These are the people I must commit my energy towards.
When friends remove you from their Facebook friends list, or from the friendship in general, this is not my fault. It is sad to see them go. Sometimes they are influenced by others viewpoints about me. The only way I can change that is responding in love and living well, succeeding in life. Get my Ph.D., achieve my dream job, etc. A response in anger only fuels the fire for more hate. This has happened to me a lot this year. Perhaps I am too naive to accept that most people don't follow their own gut.
"Keep your face always towards the sunshine and the shadows will fall behind you." - Walt Whitman
This is the quote I have found for my dissertation. In my interpretation, the sunshine, or light of any form, represents love. The shadows, or darkness, is the sinful hate and bitterness that plagues all of us so much. Humanity, as a whole, longs to be unconditionally loved and accepted for who they are, right now--not who they were or who they can be. If one keeps their face towards those who love them for who they are, then the others don't matter anymore.
Regarding my recent post on Palestrina enlightenment, my DA said this is a "very convincing interpretation." Kudos to me and him!
I am editing what is to be the second draft of my dissertation, and hopefully the final if it passes the boards and I do what is required.
On to other things on my mind. I've been thinking a lot lately about the famous phrase "Never make someone a priority when they make you an option." Why spend all of your energy chasing after someone that doesn't want to be chased?
I get on Facebook and turn my chat on. Before I know it, around 5 friends have popped up with messages saying "Hi! How are ya?" or picking up where the last conversation left off. Some friends will just greet me with a "hey" while others do so with a nickname or even a smiley, or both. These are the people I must commit my energy towards.
When friends remove you from their Facebook friends list, or from the friendship in general, this is not my fault. It is sad to see them go. Sometimes they are influenced by others viewpoints about me. The only way I can change that is responding in love and living well, succeeding in life. Get my Ph.D., achieve my dream job, etc. A response in anger only fuels the fire for more hate. This has happened to me a lot this year. Perhaps I am too naive to accept that most people don't follow their own gut.
"Keep your face always towards the sunshine and the shadows will fall behind you." - Walt Whitman
This is the quote I have found for my dissertation. In my interpretation, the sunshine, or light of any form, represents love. The shadows, or darkness, is the sinful hate and bitterness that plagues all of us so much. Humanity, as a whole, longs to be unconditionally loved and accepted for who they are, right now--not who they were or who they can be. If one keeps their face towards those who love them for who they are, then the others don't matter anymore.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
WAH!!!!!
i just had a "wah" moment and I thought to share it with a few fellow music nerds. :)
I'm analysing the sixth madrigal in Palestrina's spiritual madrigal cycle Le Vergini. Petrarch, author of the cycle's text Vergine bella, is comparing the Virign Mary to physical light, like stars/suns/etc. Each madrigal in the cycle begins by describing the virgin a different way. The sixth mad starts with Vergine chiara, or Virgin bright. Now, we all know how Palestrina doesn't use madrigalisms to a great extent, and when he does, it's very subtle.
Here's the "wah." You ever been blinded by the sun? You know how the sun's rays extend from all directions, radial symmetry thing going on? I look at the score, and on the word "chiara," Palestrina has a field day with the melismatic outer voices going opposite directions, literally expanding the texture. The inner voices are stable, but then again, the text they have does translate as "stable." So a bright star goes WAH, and the music on that page goes wah! (Wimbo expands arms).
That's my theory after a long day with Palestrina. WAH! Spread your WAH with the world!
Wimbo
I'm analysing the sixth madrigal in Palestrina's spiritual madrigal cycle Le Vergini. Petrarch, author of the cycle's text Vergine bella, is comparing the Virign Mary to physical light, like stars/suns/etc. Each madrigal in the cycle begins by describing the virgin a different way. The sixth mad starts with Vergine chiara, or Virgin bright. Now, we all know how Palestrina doesn't use madrigalisms to a great extent, and when he does, it's very subtle.
Here's the "wah." You ever been blinded by the sun? You know how the sun's rays extend from all directions, radial symmetry thing going on? I look at the score, and on the word "chiara," Palestrina has a field day with the melismatic outer voices going opposite directions, literally expanding the texture. The inner voices are stable, but then again, the text they have does translate as "stable." So a bright star goes WAH, and the music on that page goes wah! (Wimbo expands arms).
That's my theory after a long day with Palestrina. WAH! Spread your WAH with the world!
Wimbo
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Decluttering
If a man is so dependent on the opinions of his friends, to the point he follows their demands to make them happy, then he's lucky they're there to tie his shoes.
Follow your own heart and your own instincts, not those of others. Otherwise, you're living their dreams, not yours.
Follow your own heart and your own instincts, not those of others. Otherwise, you're living their dreams, not yours.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Visions
In visions of the dark night
I have dreamed of joy departed-
But a waking dream of life and light
Hath left me broken-hearted.
Ah! what is not a dream by day
To him whose eyes are cast
On things around him with a ray
Turned back upon the past?
That holy dream- that holy dream,
While all the world were chiding,
Hath cheered me as a lovely beam
A lonely spirit guiding.
What though that light, thro' storm and night,
So trembled from afar-
What could there be more purely bright
In Truth's day-star?
~Edgar Allen Poe
I have dreamed of joy departed-
But a waking dream of life and light
Hath left me broken-hearted.
Ah! what is not a dream by day
To him whose eyes are cast
On things around him with a ray
Turned back upon the past?
That holy dream- that holy dream,
While all the world were chiding,
Hath cheered me as a lovely beam
A lonely spirit guiding.
What though that light, thro' storm and night,
So trembled from afar-
What could there be more purely bright
In Truth's day-star?
~Edgar Allen Poe
Saturday, August 1, 2009
One Year Later
Here we are again. One year ago (not exactly to the T), I was writing my undergraduate thesis. Having never written anything that large in my life (12,000+ words), I'm not even sure how I got it done. I wrote one chapter at a time and sent it to my professor in drafts. My deadline for the paper was May 9, and I remember submitting the first draft of my 3rd and longest chapter in March. The other chapters came subsequently. As with most undergraduate theses, a viva was not required. Only the approval of my supervisor was the key to passing for my degree. The same is of the masters at Bangor. Dr. Leitmeir must approve the work, even though an external examiner will review it as well, but my professor will see the evolution of the paper, from start to finish. He will know by the time of the finished product what was going on in my head (knowledge database) throughout that time.
I LOVED my undergraduate topic and I remember getting very frustrated when I tried to make a point several times in drafts and my professor just would not get it. It was because of either my way of explanation was confusing or he was not literate on the topic, or both. I've chosen my undergraduate topic as my doctoral topic, mainly because I could talk on this literature all day for years and not get bored with it. I love the music and find it a very relaxing topic. Having written 56 pages on the topic already, I do know something about it going into a doctoral thesis.
Now, first thing's first. I loved my masters topic originally, but was that because it was relief that I got it approved? Or am I just too excited about the upcoming doctoral project? God only knows. 20,000 words are due by September 25. If I plan it right, and write 1,000 words a day, I can have the first full draft of the dissertation by August 20 at the lastest. If I do more than 1000+ a day because I can get on a kick, well then good for me.. Of course, I would send my advisor completed chapters as I finished them, so it's not like he would receive a huge document in late August. So that would leave a month for revisions. I had that same amount of time for a similar sized document. Maybe Leitmeir and Papsion will give me an extension since I was formally late in starting my diss. I dunno. Leitmeir and I will worry about that when the time comes.
One year from now, I hope to start my doctoral work. Well technically, the MPhil comes first before moving to the Ph.D. The M.Phil thesis is 40,000 words and the Ph.D. is 80,000 minimum. With the time I have free in the states, I hope to do research and reading on my own, along with score studies and listening sessions, outline planning, etc. Now I'm not sure if the M.Phil thesis is expanded into the Ph.D. thesis, or you have to start all over again. Like say, my MPhil work was on Arvo Part's music and then I wanted to expand for the doctorate with Gorecki and Tavener. I wouldn't have to rewrite the Part (40,000 words give or take), but I would just write the Gorecki and Tavener sections...not sure if that would work, but worth asking.
Rant: I wish Arvo would have made the Agnus Dei of his Berlin Mass at least 2 minutes longer. It's just so relaxing and ENDS TOO SOON!!! ARGH!! :)
Thesis Outline
Chapter 1 (The Spiritual Madrigal and Devotional Love, includes Introduction) - 5,000 words
Chapter 2 (Lasso's Lagrime di San Pietro) - 6,000 words
Chapter 3 (Palestrina's Le Vergini) - 5,000 words
Chapter 4 (Palestrina's Canticum Canticorum) - 3,000 words
Conclusion - 1,000 words (not as a fifth chapter at the moment unless my DA decides otherwise)
As chapters are returned to me, I must keep to my 1,000 words a day for new chapters, and yet continue revisions with the old ones, so that would give me more than a month to revise the work. Hopefully since he's approved the outline and we've discussed it in great detail, I will only have minor revisions. And not complete reworkings of chapters.
As with the previous paper, I have already decided who it is dedicated to before it is written. Undergrad paper had 4-5. This one has three, for specific reasons. And the preceding quote has now been picked. Oddly enough, I know who my doctoral thesis is dedicated to, well the two people anyway.
Now that is off my chest, off to reorganising the notes according to the new outline!! xx
I LOVED my undergraduate topic and I remember getting very frustrated when I tried to make a point several times in drafts and my professor just would not get it. It was because of either my way of explanation was confusing or he was not literate on the topic, or both. I've chosen my undergraduate topic as my doctoral topic, mainly because I could talk on this literature all day for years and not get bored with it. I love the music and find it a very relaxing topic. Having written 56 pages on the topic already, I do know something about it going into a doctoral thesis.
Now, first thing's first. I loved my masters topic originally, but was that because it was relief that I got it approved? Or am I just too excited about the upcoming doctoral project? God only knows. 20,000 words are due by September 25. If I plan it right, and write 1,000 words a day, I can have the first full draft of the dissertation by August 20 at the lastest. If I do more than 1000+ a day because I can get on a kick, well then good for me.. Of course, I would send my advisor completed chapters as I finished them, so it's not like he would receive a huge document in late August. So that would leave a month for revisions. I had that same amount of time for a similar sized document. Maybe Leitmeir and Papsion will give me an extension since I was formally late in starting my diss. I dunno. Leitmeir and I will worry about that when the time comes.
One year from now, I hope to start my doctoral work. Well technically, the MPhil comes first before moving to the Ph.D. The M.Phil thesis is 40,000 words and the Ph.D. is 80,000 minimum. With the time I have free in the states, I hope to do research and reading on my own, along with score studies and listening sessions, outline planning, etc. Now I'm not sure if the M.Phil thesis is expanded into the Ph.D. thesis, or you have to start all over again. Like say, my MPhil work was on Arvo Part's music and then I wanted to expand for the doctorate with Gorecki and Tavener. I wouldn't have to rewrite the Part (40,000 words give or take), but I would just write the Gorecki and Tavener sections...not sure if that would work, but worth asking.
Rant: I wish Arvo would have made the Agnus Dei of his Berlin Mass at least 2 minutes longer. It's just so relaxing and ENDS TOO SOON!!! ARGH!! :)
Thesis Outline
Chapter 1 (The Spiritual Madrigal and Devotional Love, includes Introduction) - 5,000 words
Chapter 2 (Lasso's Lagrime di San Pietro) - 6,000 words
Chapter 3 (Palestrina's Le Vergini) - 5,000 words
Chapter 4 (Palestrina's Canticum Canticorum) - 3,000 words
Conclusion - 1,000 words (not as a fifth chapter at the moment unless my DA decides otherwise)
As chapters are returned to me, I must keep to my 1,000 words a day for new chapters, and yet continue revisions with the old ones, so that would give me more than a month to revise the work. Hopefully since he's approved the outline and we've discussed it in great detail, I will only have minor revisions. And not complete reworkings of chapters.
As with the previous paper, I have already decided who it is dedicated to before it is written. Undergrad paper had 4-5. This one has three, for specific reasons. And the preceding quote has now been picked. Oddly enough, I know who my doctoral thesis is dedicated to, well the two people anyway.
Now that is off my chest, off to reorganising the notes according to the new outline!! xx
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Prayer
I am waiting in a silent prayer.
I am frightened by the load I bear
In a world as cold as stone.
Must I walk this path alone?
Be with me now.
Do you wonder as you watch my face
If a wiser and smarter one should have had my place?
But I offer all I am
For the mercy of your plan
Help me be strong.
Help me be.
Help me.
Breath of heaven, hold me together
Be forever near me.
Light in my darkness, pour over me your holiness
For You are holy,
O breath of Heaven.
I am frightened by the load I bear
In a world as cold as stone.
Must I walk this path alone?
Be with me now.
Do you wonder as you watch my face
If a wiser and smarter one should have had my place?
But I offer all I am
For the mercy of your plan
Help me be strong.
Help me be.
Help me.
Breath of heaven, hold me together
Be forever near me.
Light in my darkness, pour over me your holiness
For You are holy,
O breath of Heaven.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Short and sweet
I long to see your smiling valley
and hear your rolling river.
I long to see your smiling valley
Way, we're bound away
Across the wide Missouri.
Shenandoah, I am coming home.
and hear your rolling river.
I long to see your smiling valley
Way, we're bound away
Across the wide Missouri.
Shenandoah, I am coming home.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
One of my own
A lark flies off into the sunset,
Catching the golden fire on its wingtips,
Soaring into the heat of tomorrow.
Vanishing into the night sky,
Disappearing from view
As if he had never existed.
No more trouble, no more pain
On himself and others of his kind
His heart is heavy,
but his song remains
Cheerful, exuberant, joyful
For it is all that he has left,
a part of himself that can never die
Reverberating throughout the night sky
His song speaks of endless love,
Peace, Reconciliation, and unconditionality,
Decreasing in volume until only he himself can hear it.
Everything is now lost.
Off he flies
into the sunset with his head held high,
his song echoes to those left behind.
Catching the golden fire on its wingtips,
Soaring into the heat of tomorrow.
Vanishing into the night sky,
Disappearing from view
As if he had never existed.
No more trouble, no more pain
On himself and others of his kind
His heart is heavy,
but his song remains
Cheerful, exuberant, joyful
For it is all that he has left,
a part of himself that can never die
Reverberating throughout the night sky
His song speaks of endless love,
Peace, Reconciliation, and unconditionality,
Decreasing in volume until only he himself can hear it.
Everything is now lost.
Off he flies
into the sunset with his head held high,
his song echoes to those left behind.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Sigh...
Why are people never careful unless the inevitable happens to them, and then from there, they take necessary precautions? This isn't a rant towards others, but rather, a rant towards myself.
I have traveled all over the globe. I've been to more places internationally then my parents and siblings combined. And yet when I'm making a small trip (compared to the others) within the country of my current residence, I lose my luggage. Not just the luggage either. Seasoned travellers know that you should never place personal documents in the main luggage. It should always stay in the carry-on bag or on your body. My stupid self went and put my passport in my luggage. I'm not even leaving the bloody country so why did I take it?? I guess I sorta figured the passport would be safer with me than locked up in my room at the chap. Stupid. Stupid! STUPID!!!!! Now it's lost somewhere in England along with my entire summer wardrobe, two books that do not belong to me, a few months worth of crochet work, my credit card (cancelled it), a few years worth of makeup, and all of my swim gear (not exactly cheap either). Good vacation eh? At least my laptop and dissertation stuff is safe.
All I wanted was a relaxing few weeks down in South England to spend with a good friend and her family. And now this happens. It seems that since January, I am a walking recipe for disaster. I know I'm not the only person this has happened to, but it sure does feel that way right now. I wanted a week or two, drama-free. But it seems that everytime I get with Charli, drama happens...most of the time, not our fault. But I can't help feeling bad. It's still MY luggage and MY mistake to put MY passport in the luggage. This happens on MY visit. You see a pattern here?
Oh and to make it more fun..funner..whatever, digital camera still hasn't arrived. We ordered it on Sunday evening before the trip on Wednesday. Chey used his card to order it. It was scheduled to be delivered on Tuesday, the night before. Delivery man thought, "oh, it's a little box, nothing of big significance. they can wait for it." wait for it my ass. so it arrives after i leave. Chey forwards it down here, and whatdya know. IT GETS LOST. (WHAT THE F*** IS GOING ON?) So Chey is badgering Royal Mail, while I'm badgering Chey and the luggage security people. That equals a nightmare (not Hell, which I've already experienced). That plus a loving family watching your back equals definitely making the situation bearable. I've only had one breakdown since I've been here, in the privacy of my own room talking to Dad. That's pretty decent for me to be fair. I haven't paid Chey for the camera yet so technically, it's still his. I just hope it comes soon and that Royal Mail and Luggage security need to get their butts in gear. And by the way, security people, it doesn't take 3 days to make a security DVD. The world was created in 6 days. So get your butt on it.
Happier blog to follow.
I have traveled all over the globe. I've been to more places internationally then my parents and siblings combined. And yet when I'm making a small trip (compared to the others) within the country of my current residence, I lose my luggage. Not just the luggage either. Seasoned travellers know that you should never place personal documents in the main luggage. It should always stay in the carry-on bag or on your body. My stupid self went and put my passport in my luggage. I'm not even leaving the bloody country so why did I take it?? I guess I sorta figured the passport would be safer with me than locked up in my room at the chap. Stupid. Stupid! STUPID!!!!! Now it's lost somewhere in England along with my entire summer wardrobe, two books that do not belong to me, a few months worth of crochet work, my credit card (cancelled it), a few years worth of makeup, and all of my swim gear (not exactly cheap either). Good vacation eh? At least my laptop and dissertation stuff is safe.
All I wanted was a relaxing few weeks down in South England to spend with a good friend and her family. And now this happens. It seems that since January, I am a walking recipe for disaster. I know I'm not the only person this has happened to, but it sure does feel that way right now. I wanted a week or two, drama-free. But it seems that everytime I get with Charli, drama happens...most of the time, not our fault. But I can't help feeling bad. It's still MY luggage and MY mistake to put MY passport in the luggage. This happens on MY visit. You see a pattern here?
Oh and to make it more fun..funner..whatever, digital camera still hasn't arrived. We ordered it on Sunday evening before the trip on Wednesday. Chey used his card to order it. It was scheduled to be delivered on Tuesday, the night before. Delivery man thought, "oh, it's a little box, nothing of big significance. they can wait for it." wait for it my ass. so it arrives after i leave. Chey forwards it down here, and whatdya know. IT GETS LOST. (WHAT THE F*** IS GOING ON?) So Chey is badgering Royal Mail, while I'm badgering Chey and the luggage security people. That equals a nightmare (not Hell, which I've already experienced). That plus a loving family watching your back equals definitely making the situation bearable. I've only had one breakdown since I've been here, in the privacy of my own room talking to Dad. That's pretty decent for me to be fair. I haven't paid Chey for the camera yet so technically, it's still his. I just hope it comes soon and that Royal Mail and Luggage security need to get their butts in gear. And by the way, security people, it doesn't take 3 days to make a security DVD. The world was created in 6 days. So get your butt on it.
Happier blog to follow.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Memories in the Making
The last few weeks have been spent with good friends. I've read many quotes saying all you need in life is a close circle of friends. Have you ever stopped to consider how your circle fits together? Each person is a piece of the puzzle. In my circle, I like taking care of people---feeding them massive amounts of food, etc. I'm also the jokester normally, but that's in agreement with my star sign: Cancer-The Nurturer.
A close friend, Charli, came down for a few days before her field trip in South Wales. Two days before her trip, we conquered Snowdon. Now for those who don't know, Snowdon is the highest mountain in Wales and England, and is dwarfed by Ben Nevis (only by a few hundred feet). This was my second time to climb it (first time with Gabby and John), but I do remember how hard it was the first time up the mountain and I can say I'm extremely proud of my friend for making this accomplishment. For making this achievement, I got her an amethyst keychain (matches mine and Gabby's) and a special T-shirt. :)
The day before Snowdon, we tie-dyed. I hadn't done this in about a year, last time was with the youth group. I, Charli, and Katherine tie-dyed t-shirts, tank tops, and a big sheet. I taught them the starburst pattern, spiral pattern, and accordion. The clothes came out really well. Although Dylon, the dye i used, does tend to fade, but I did find some other dyes that have permanent brightness. I did dye the sheet in a spiral pattern and didn't expect to see orange on it lol! Will soo have to do this again. :)
Last week, two friends I met last year and I did the Pimm's Challenge twice. The challenge is to drain a pub of Pimm's--a popular summer drink in Britian consisting of Pimm's liquor, lemonade, cucumber, mint, cherries, oranges, lemon, and if desired, strawberry. First Augusta and I drained the Menai with 3 pitchers of Pimm's. A few days later, the two of us and Tom drained the BV with only 1 pitcher (earning 3 pitchers as trophies!). We then returned to the Menai for 4 more pitchers, but were unable to drain. It's always best not to get completely and utterly smashed.
Yesterday, Charli and I visited Newborough Beach. It was the second time I've been there this summer. We did go swimming. Yes, the Irish Sea is freezing, but refreshing at the same time. Whilst there, a thunderstorm brewed. This was the third time I've heard thunder in Wales. And a nice long, neon bolt of lightning touched down on the water. Since I've been through lifeguard training, my instincts kicked in strong, and I was like "ok! out of the water!"
Wednesday night, before Charli returned, I cooked for 9 and had garden games for 12. I cooked roasted chicken. I have perfected the art of making the meat fall off the bone. In order to keep the breast (dryest part of the bird) moist, I cook my chicken upside down for the majority of its time in the oven. That way, the breast is cooking in its own juices, no chance to dry out. I also make a tent of aluminium foil (no i did not misspell that--UK spelling/pronunc) to keep moisture in, and only uncover and flip the bird when it's time to brown it. Before roasting though, I take my hands and get underneath the skin. Making a baste of melted butter, thyme, rosemary, pepper, and poultry seasoning, I cover the bird inside and out. This is the same way I cooked the turkeys, all 3 of them this year.
I also did roast potatoes. Chop potatoes, put them onto boil until relatively soft. Get baking sheets--oven on high Gas mark 9--Cover the spuds in oil, poultry seasoning, pepper, and oregano. Let them sit in the oven for about half an hour and there ya go! For veg, I did, boiled Italian green beans, carrots, and parsnips. Good stuff. There was no dessert lol, no worries though.
A friend of mine brought the drinks--mainly Pimm's. She brought another bottle, Spanish wine called Sangriana. Tastes like communion wine--very sweet.
And then the lot of us went into the garden (with drinks). The weather was gorgeous, clear skies, and the sun doesn't go down until 10-11pm. We did charades (but it had to be a person everybody would know.) I also introduced a game to them that I did with the youth a few summers ago. Put everybody in a line. One person at the front has a pad and paper. So does ther person at the back. The rear of the line draws a simple image on a person's back. And this image passes up the line until the front person draws it. As with the whisper game, the final result is always distorted from the original--makes it funny. The last game was taught, called Whoosh, Hoe, Zap, Boing. Everybody forms a circle and one person has an imaginary ball of energy. She can whoosh it to those on her immediate left and right. Whichever way she decides to whoosh it, the ball must continue in that direction unless it is hoed. If the person on her immediate left hoes it back to her. She can zap it to someone across the circle unless they boing it back. ---kinda difficult to understand unless you actually try it.
Thursday evening, I cooked for another group, mostly new residents. We ate chicken spaghetti (bird and curd), broccoli, and banana pudding. Good stuff. :)
Mmm Mmm Good! MWAH!
A close friend, Charli, came down for a few days before her field trip in South Wales. Two days before her trip, we conquered Snowdon. Now for those who don't know, Snowdon is the highest mountain in Wales and England, and is dwarfed by Ben Nevis (only by a few hundred feet). This was my second time to climb it (first time with Gabby and John), but I do remember how hard it was the first time up the mountain and I can say I'm extremely proud of my friend for making this accomplishment. For making this achievement, I got her an amethyst keychain (matches mine and Gabby's) and a special T-shirt. :)
The day before Snowdon, we tie-dyed. I hadn't done this in about a year, last time was with the youth group. I, Charli, and Katherine tie-dyed t-shirts, tank tops, and a big sheet. I taught them the starburst pattern, spiral pattern, and accordion. The clothes came out really well. Although Dylon, the dye i used, does tend to fade, but I did find some other dyes that have permanent brightness. I did dye the sheet in a spiral pattern and didn't expect to see orange on it lol! Will soo have to do this again. :)
Last week, two friends I met last year and I did the Pimm's Challenge twice. The challenge is to drain a pub of Pimm's--a popular summer drink in Britian consisting of Pimm's liquor, lemonade, cucumber, mint, cherries, oranges, lemon, and if desired, strawberry. First Augusta and I drained the Menai with 3 pitchers of Pimm's. A few days later, the two of us and Tom drained the BV with only 1 pitcher (earning 3 pitchers as trophies!). We then returned to the Menai for 4 more pitchers, but were unable to drain. It's always best not to get completely and utterly smashed.
Yesterday, Charli and I visited Newborough Beach. It was the second time I've been there this summer. We did go swimming. Yes, the Irish Sea is freezing, but refreshing at the same time. Whilst there, a thunderstorm brewed. This was the third time I've heard thunder in Wales. And a nice long, neon bolt of lightning touched down on the water. Since I've been through lifeguard training, my instincts kicked in strong, and I was like "ok! out of the water!"
Wednesday night, before Charli returned, I cooked for 9 and had garden games for 12. I cooked roasted chicken. I have perfected the art of making the meat fall off the bone. In order to keep the breast (dryest part of the bird) moist, I cook my chicken upside down for the majority of its time in the oven. That way, the breast is cooking in its own juices, no chance to dry out. I also make a tent of aluminium foil (no i did not misspell that--UK spelling/pronunc) to keep moisture in, and only uncover and flip the bird when it's time to brown it. Before roasting though, I take my hands and get underneath the skin. Making a baste of melted butter, thyme, rosemary, pepper, and poultry seasoning, I cover the bird inside and out. This is the same way I cooked the turkeys, all 3 of them this year.
I also did roast potatoes. Chop potatoes, put them onto boil until relatively soft. Get baking sheets--oven on high Gas mark 9--Cover the spuds in oil, poultry seasoning, pepper, and oregano. Let them sit in the oven for about half an hour and there ya go! For veg, I did, boiled Italian green beans, carrots, and parsnips. Good stuff. There was no dessert lol, no worries though.
A friend of mine brought the drinks--mainly Pimm's. She brought another bottle, Spanish wine called Sangriana. Tastes like communion wine--very sweet.
And then the lot of us went into the garden (with drinks). The weather was gorgeous, clear skies, and the sun doesn't go down until 10-11pm. We did charades (but it had to be a person everybody would know.) I also introduced a game to them that I did with the youth a few summers ago. Put everybody in a line. One person at the front has a pad and paper. So does ther person at the back. The rear of the line draws a simple image on a person's back. And this image passes up the line until the front person draws it. As with the whisper game, the final result is always distorted from the original--makes it funny. The last game was taught, called Whoosh, Hoe, Zap, Boing. Everybody forms a circle and one person has an imaginary ball of energy. She can whoosh it to those on her immediate left and right. Whichever way she decides to whoosh it, the ball must continue in that direction unless it is hoed. If the person on her immediate left hoes it back to her. She can zap it to someone across the circle unless they boing it back. ---kinda difficult to understand unless you actually try it.
Thursday evening, I cooked for another group, mostly new residents. We ate chicken spaghetti (bird and curd), broccoli, and banana pudding. Good stuff. :)
Mmm Mmm Good! MWAH!
Saturday, June 20, 2009
I Should Have Known
Dear God,
It's me again. I should have known, Father. I really should have known. All I tried to do was create a nice, appreciative thing in honor (forget the UK spelling for now) of another friend. I used the music she loves, Glasgow theme from Love Actually. Even Dad saw before any of them did and said all the videos, not just hers, were beautiful tributes (American version) to good friends. Not all Windows Movie Maker videos take a long time to make. Hers in particular did because the player kept inserting silence for about a minute between tracks. It took 3 deletes and 3 downloads, about 2 hours worth of work to get the video running. Two hours wasted. The minute that video appears online, it's attacked and I'm attacked by two friends of hers.
The thing that is bugging me and what I don't understand is, I was talking to her whilst making the video. She was saying "awesome" and "thanks." Etc., Just don't act for me. If you don't want it, then just say so. I'm ruthlessly attacked by her friends for making this video..my God people, it's a way to show appreciation. I don't have the money to buy her a drink and she is a long way from here. And the catch is, she doesn't defend the video. She doesn't defend me even by saying "thanks" or even "cool" would do it. Now mind you, I did not know that in UK casual terms, tributes are for dead people, but still I did make it clear what the American term stood for. I don't make videos for just anybody. I make them for people who are/and were special to me.
I've since deleted the video. If it's going to be attacked that much and this friend finds it funny, then why should I care??? Delete it and for that matter, delete the Glasgow love theme as well. I want no reminders. If I ever want to hear it again, there's always YouTube. A good friend of mine keeps saying to concentrate on those that support me, which is what I'm trying to do, but also I'm trying to keep an unstable relationship as stable as possible. Looks like something nice I tried to do just knocked the boat.
Not everybody will pay tribute to you, ya know. I'm not going to say this is once in a lifetime, but from where I am from, good treatment of friends is very rare.
Funny thing is, that is the second time I made the video. First time it went online, it got the same response. GET OVER YOURSELVES PEOPLE AND JUST DROP IT AND MOVE FORWARD.
x
It's me again. I should have known, Father. I really should have known. All I tried to do was create a nice, appreciative thing in honor (forget the UK spelling for now) of another friend. I used the music she loves, Glasgow theme from Love Actually. Even Dad saw before any of them did and said all the videos, not just hers, were beautiful tributes (American version) to good friends. Not all Windows Movie Maker videos take a long time to make. Hers in particular did because the player kept inserting silence for about a minute between tracks. It took 3 deletes and 3 downloads, about 2 hours worth of work to get the video running. Two hours wasted. The minute that video appears online, it's attacked and I'm attacked by two friends of hers.
The thing that is bugging me and what I don't understand is, I was talking to her whilst making the video. She was saying "awesome" and "thanks." Etc., Just don't act for me. If you don't want it, then just say so. I'm ruthlessly attacked by her friends for making this video..my God people, it's a way to show appreciation. I don't have the money to buy her a drink and she is a long way from here. And the catch is, she doesn't defend the video. She doesn't defend me even by saying "thanks" or even "cool" would do it. Now mind you, I did not know that in UK casual terms, tributes are for dead people, but still I did make it clear what the American term stood for. I don't make videos for just anybody. I make them for people who are/and were special to me.
I've since deleted the video. If it's going to be attacked that much and this friend finds it funny, then why should I care??? Delete it and for that matter, delete the Glasgow love theme as well. I want no reminders. If I ever want to hear it again, there's always YouTube. A good friend of mine keeps saying to concentrate on those that support me, which is what I'm trying to do, but also I'm trying to keep an unstable relationship as stable as possible. Looks like something nice I tried to do just knocked the boat.
Not everybody will pay tribute to you, ya know. I'm not going to say this is once in a lifetime, but from where I am from, good treatment of friends is very rare.
Funny thing is, that is the second time I made the video. First time it went online, it got the same response. GET OVER YOURSELVES PEOPLE AND JUST DROP IT AND MOVE FORWARD.
x
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Family
In this blog post, I will not use any entries from dictionaries or encyclopedias. These are meanings I had to discover for myself through the course of this academic year. Family pictures to follow.
What is a family? To me, a family is a group of people (whether biologicially related or not) that share a common respect for one another and always have each other's best interests at heart. Family members look out for each other. The welcome does not end. Arms are always open. A family solves problems and shares joys as a group
Who is family? This term can hold many meanings. Firstly, the most familiar definition is that of Mom, Dad, siblings, grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles. Pets are usually included too. All my life, I've also included close friends (or true friends if you will) in this defintion, friends I found I could go to. Family is important in life, and friends are probably the most essential. A few days ago, one of my blogposts is the lyrics of Christian band Mercy Me's song "Homesick." One of the lyrics "If home's where my heart is" speaks directly to me. I am 5,000 miles away from my biological family and close circle of friends that I grew up with. And I've realised that the word home does not refer to a physical place. It does not refer to the USA or Wales or wherever one was raised. Home refers to your family. If your family holds your heart, then that is where your home is, no matter the geographical destination. Since the location doesn't matter, one can have family all over the world, and this year, I have gained a few British family members, as well as American and Greek. Not everybody thinks of their friends in this way. Some consider "family" too close a term for friends, but I don't. I see no difference. If one loves her friends just as strongly as she loves her family, then her friends are her family. Not blood related, but joined at the heart and soul.
And when I refer to friends as family, they are not "family" or "extended family". They ARE family
So technically, I could be in the USA for a few months and homesick for my family in the UK.
The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together. ~Erma Bombeck
To us, family means putting your arms around each other and being there. ~Barbara Bush
The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when he discovers that someone else believes in him and is willing to trust him.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Sometimes our light goes out but is blown into flame by another human being. Each of us owes deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this light.
- Albert Schweitzer
Greater love has no man than this, than he that lay down his life for his friends. - John 15:13
What is a family? To me, a family is a group of people (whether biologicially related or not) that share a common respect for one another and always have each other's best interests at heart. Family members look out for each other. The welcome does not end. Arms are always open. A family solves problems and shares joys as a group
Who is family? This term can hold many meanings. Firstly, the most familiar definition is that of Mom, Dad, siblings, grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles. Pets are usually included too. All my life, I've also included close friends (or true friends if you will) in this defintion, friends I found I could go to. Family is important in life, and friends are probably the most essential. A few days ago, one of my blogposts is the lyrics of Christian band Mercy Me's song "Homesick." One of the lyrics "If home's where my heart is" speaks directly to me. I am 5,000 miles away from my biological family and close circle of friends that I grew up with. And I've realised that the word home does not refer to a physical place. It does not refer to the USA or Wales or wherever one was raised. Home refers to your family. If your family holds your heart, then that is where your home is, no matter the geographical destination. Since the location doesn't matter, one can have family all over the world, and this year, I have gained a few British family members, as well as American and Greek. Not everybody thinks of their friends in this way. Some consider "family" too close a term for friends, but I don't. I see no difference. If one loves her friends just as strongly as she loves her family, then her friends are her family. Not blood related, but joined at the heart and soul.
And when I refer to friends as family, they are not "family" or "extended family". They ARE family
So technically, I could be in the USA for a few months and homesick for my family in the UK.
The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together. ~Erma Bombeck
To us, family means putting your arms around each other and being there. ~Barbara Bush
The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when he discovers that someone else believes in him and is willing to trust him.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Sometimes our light goes out but is blown into flame by another human being. Each of us owes deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this light.
- Albert Schweitzer
Greater love has no man than this, than he that lay down his life for his friends. - John 15:13
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Rain , Sunshine, and Angels
As I sit here working on my dissertation, the wind is blowing irregularly with a bit of cloud cover. I love working on overcast days, but I also love dancing in the rain. There's something special about working on large assignments whilst listening to the pitter-patter of raindrops against the window. But this is Wales. Five minutes later, sunshine and blue sky. Ten minutes later, rain again. Irregular weather patterns. Gotta love them.
On September 20, 2008, whilst on the train from Manchester International Airport to Bangor for the first time, I met a lady named Jacqueline on the train. She was quite plump, had blonde hair in a bob, and loved her some hot drinks. I remember chatting a bit with and when she got off at her stop in Colwyn Bay, she gave me this big (albeit unexpected) kiss on the cheek saying everything would work out okay. Two people have said this is probably an angel. I am now inclined to believe that. When faith sends you a rope, you grab it and hold on tight. Everything will work out alright - in reference to friendships, relationships, school, me, dissertation, finances, Ph.D. proposals and programs, etc.
F.R.O.G.
Fully Rely On God - a phrase many of us need reminding of. I am His and He will see me through.
That famous verse from Jeremiah - "For I have plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans for hope and a future." This is the verse that Mom and Dad recommended to me during my period of despair. Now as I sit here and hear the birds singing, I must have the faith that all of this will happen for me, that I will succeed with this Masters and Doctorate, that I will prosper in all walks of life. All I need is one seed of faith--one seed that yields a multitude of blossoms.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
For Love
Vissi d’arte, vissi d’amore, I lived for my art, I lived for love,
non feci mai male ad anima viva! I never did harm to a living soul!
Con man furtiva With a secret hand
quante miserie conobbi aiutai. I relieved as many misfortunes as I knew of.
Sempre con fè sincera Always with true faith
la mia preghiera my prayer
ai santi tabernacoli salì. rose to the holy shrines.
Sempre con fè sincera Always with true faith
diedi fiori agl’altar. I gave flowers to the altar.
Nell’ora del dolore In the hour of grief
perchè, perchè, Signore, why, why, o Lord,
perchè me ne rimuneri così? why do you reward me thus?
Diedi gioielli della Madonna al manto, I gave jewels for the Madonna’s mantle,
e diedi il canto agli astri, al ciel, and I gave my song to the stars, to heaven,
che ne ridean più belli. which smiled with more beauty.
Nell’ora del dolor In the hour of grief
perchè, perchè, Signor, why, why, o Lord,
ah, perchè me ne rimuneri così? ah, why do you reward me thus?
non feci mai male ad anima viva! I never did harm to a living soul!
Con man furtiva With a secret hand
quante miserie conobbi aiutai. I relieved as many misfortunes as I knew of.
Sempre con fè sincera Always with true faith
la mia preghiera my prayer
ai santi tabernacoli salì. rose to the holy shrines.
Sempre con fè sincera Always with true faith
diedi fiori agl’altar. I gave flowers to the altar.
Nell’ora del dolore In the hour of grief
perchè, perchè, Signore, why, why, o Lord,
perchè me ne rimuneri così? why do you reward me thus?
Diedi gioielli della Madonna al manto, I gave jewels for the Madonna’s mantle,
e diedi il canto agli astri, al ciel, and I gave my song to the stars, to heaven,
che ne ridean più belli. which smiled with more beauty.
Nell’ora del dolor In the hour of grief
perchè, perchè, Signor, why, why, o Lord,
ah, perchè me ne rimuneri così? ah, why do you reward me thus?
Friday, May 8, 2009
Dear God
Normality at USM. THEY LET US OUT!!!!!!!!!! (i.e. we graduated!)
Andrea and I at Jenn's wedding...goofing around as usual
Dear God,
What is your purpose for keeping a life on this Earth when they are capable of causing so much pain to the people around them? Why keep them around when they're annoying, emotionally too deep, etc.? Those qualities spell out a life of loneliness, not only chosen, but chosen for them. I have many friends who love me to bits. I know I've annoyed them at some point, and vice versa, but they love me anyway, and I them. To quote the Eagles, there's a whole in the world tonight. Is it better just to separate myself from humanity so I can't hurt people anymore? Maybe I did deserve the throat-hold given by a "friend." A few friends have called me amazing as a person, no mention of my musical talents. Amazing people don't cause other people anger and annoyance. An amazing person would know when to stop. An amazing person would know when to lay low, when to say hi, and when to go away for awhile. I am unable to read people as well as I would like. So there I am being myself, laughing, smiling, singing, and WHAM!!! fireworks explode. If they're quieter than normal, then I can usually tell, but unless they're blatantly obvious when they're peeved, I can't tell. This is why I've been laying low for the past few days because my mood is on the swing and I don't want to upset anybody. A friend once said it's not right for people to go off on others when it suits their mood. Well friend, we've been apologising to each other for the past few months because we've been doing the very same thing. This is why I don't like fireworks anymore. Sure the colours are pretty but not when they're aimed at you. A friend told me about fireworks over Christmas. I had no idea that I would eventually receive the full brunt of the load over time, but there ya go. Shit happens, mostly to me.
All I can say is damn my heart of gold. This is why I can accept people so easily, despite their faults. Mom calls it my best trait. I call it my cursed trait. I'm sick of always receiving the bad moods from others. Venting I don't mind. But taking your mood out on me when I did not do anything to deserve it is taking an emotional toll. I'm sick of crying myself to sleep most nights, and wish I had those anti-depressant drugs that make me apathetic to the rest of the world. One question, if others were around instead of myself, would you explode on them as well or keep it inside? so i don't feel singled out here.
Never take a friendship for granted. Because friendships don't last forever in the same form. I could have gone off on my friends about so many different things, but I held back. Why? Because I knew it would upset them. If the truth needed to be said, I would take them aside gently. They did the same to me, but if I was having a bad day and Jenn would come bouncing and singing through the door, I wouldn't go off on her for acting childish. I would look at the joy in her face, and more often than not, if I let it, it would lift my mood. Friends only want and wish the best for friends. That's how I was raised anyway. Apologising to one another over and over again is no way to spend a friendship. Jenn used to say I'm sorry all the time until I finally told her, just stop saying it. Often, it was an apology she felt she needed to reiterate for being random. Don't apologise for being you.
If you feel your mood getting the worst of you, don't go off on a friend because when it happens repeatedly, it feels like a common pattern to them, as it feels to me.
The Carillon Crew going crazy on tour
Stuck under a giant orange....thing!!! ahhhh!!!
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
So Far From Home
You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you
I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's
where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now
Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I'm still here so far away from home
I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now
In Christ, there are no goodbye
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
To see you again
And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you
I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's
where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now
Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I'm still here so far away from home
I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now
In Christ, there are no goodbye
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
To see you again
And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now
Friday, April 17, 2009
Goodbye for now.
I've decided it's time to let her go. No more emails, texts, MSN chats, Facebook comings and goings. I've let her go in the sense that I'll leave her alone. This is temporary since more than likely in the future, our paths will cross again. Whether or not we decide to mutually pick up the friendship again is really up to her. Mind you, we're still friends, just not as close as we once were. I feel that if something is bugging me I can't talk to her about it since I've caused her enough grief already. True love is when you love somebody so much that you're willing to sacrifice your happiness for theirs. That's how I feel. I feel she would be happier in the long run if I leave her alone, hence, letting go.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Time
How much time is needed? Some people tell you that you have all the time in the world, but you really and truly don't. If friends really want that friendship, the effort should willingly come from both sides. Julianne Baird told me once "if you want it bad enough, you'll get it." Sure, one can still write emails and use Facebook...but you lose a sense of touch. You don't see them anymore and soon become another face in the crowd. You can reach out to them all day long, but it's their choice if they bother to reach back. When, if ever, should one stop reaching out? It's better to give then receive, but not with a one-sided friendship. How do you know if the person still wants the friendship? And when I go home, will she even miss me? I know I'll miss her but will she miss me as a friend, an acquaintence, or just one of the chaplaincy crowd? Or will it be the other way around. Ya know, God forbid, it may turn out that I may never see Chap peeps again. If that does happen, much will be regretted between us.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Letting go....
Softly and gently, see him smiling
How the eyes that open fondly,
see it Friend? Don’t you see?
Ever lighter, how he’s shining
Borne on high amongst the stars?
Don’t you see?
How his heart so bravely swells
Full and calm it throbs in his breast?
As from lips so joyfully mild,
sweet the breath that softly stirs
Friends! Look!
Don’t you feel and see it?
It is only I that hear this way
So wondrous and gentle
Joyously sounding, telling all things, reconciling
Sounding from him, penetrating me,
rising upward swinging on itself
Echoes fondly around me ringing
Ever clearer, wafting round me,
are they waves of gentle breezes?
Are they clouds of gladdening sweet frangrance?
As they swell and murmur round me,
shall I breathe them, shall I listen?
Shall I sip them, plunge beneath them?
Breathe my last amid their sweet smell?
In the billowy surge,
in the gush of sound
In the World’s Spirit’s, Infinite All
To drown now, sinking, unconscious, void of all thought
Highest Bliss!
Although being one of the most famous arias in opera repertoire, in this case for me, the "him" refers to both sexes.
When, if ever, is the right time to let someone go? Someone that you love deeply? Someone that you've cried over many times? I love this person. Not in the romantic way, but in a way that I've never loved anybody, not even my best friend back home. I don't know what it is about this person. So many things could have been different, but things in life happen for a reason in one way or another. I may never figure it out. Maybe it's not meant for me to. This person may never find this blog and will never know the extent of how much i love them. If I'm letting go, maybe they shouldn't know. If I let go, it means the love doesn't matter anymore. Mom once told me I have a heart of gold. I only wish i did. This person once told me and this has stuck in my mind since i am so far from home that they're not my family but they love me just the same. How do you just get over something like that? You don't and you never will. So the real question is not when to let go, but how to let go.
How the eyes that open fondly,
see it Friend? Don’t you see?
Ever lighter, how he’s shining
Borne on high amongst the stars?
Don’t you see?
How his heart so bravely swells
Full and calm it throbs in his breast?
As from lips so joyfully mild,
sweet the breath that softly stirs
Friends! Look!
Don’t you feel and see it?
It is only I that hear this way
So wondrous and gentle
Joyously sounding, telling all things, reconciling
Sounding from him, penetrating me,
rising upward swinging on itself
Echoes fondly around me ringing
Ever clearer, wafting round me,
are they waves of gentle breezes?
Are they clouds of gladdening sweet frangrance?
As they swell and murmur round me,
shall I breathe them, shall I listen?
Shall I sip them, plunge beneath them?
Breathe my last amid their sweet smell?
In the billowy surge,
in the gush of sound
In the World’s Spirit’s, Infinite All
To drown now, sinking, unconscious, void of all thought
Highest Bliss!
Although being one of the most famous arias in opera repertoire, in this case for me, the "him" refers to both sexes.
When, if ever, is the right time to let someone go? Someone that you love deeply? Someone that you've cried over many times? I love this person. Not in the romantic way, but in a way that I've never loved anybody, not even my best friend back home. I don't know what it is about this person. So many things could have been different, but things in life happen for a reason in one way or another. I may never figure it out. Maybe it's not meant for me to. This person may never find this blog and will never know the extent of how much i love them. If I'm letting go, maybe they shouldn't know. If I let go, it means the love doesn't matter anymore. Mom once told me I have a heart of gold. I only wish i did. This person once told me and this has stuck in my mind since i am so far from home that they're not my family but they love me just the same. How do you just get over something like that? You don't and you never will. So the real question is not when to let go, but how to let go.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Friday, April 3, 2009
A time for everything, even electricity
There are many things that bug me, but there is one that tops the rest, and that is the use of the swear word GD, which I will not spell out here. I don't care if you're Christian, Hindu, Buddhist, Atheist, Agnostic, Scientologist, whatever...if you believe that using the term is bad, then why do you mock it in a joking manner? What's the bloody point in that? This is me on my high horse. Using any term like that, regardless of whether you believe in it or not, is just wrong. There is no excuse for using it. Swear words are not good period, but if you stub your toe on a door or burn yourself in the oven, at least limit yourself to damnit or similar such words, or better yet, don't use it period. And you can't blame your past or whatever bad is happening to you for why you use that word. You choose to use it and you choose to mock it, even though you find it repulsive, yet you still say it with a smile on your face...basically contradicting yourself.
Rant finished.
Bangor hoodies are awesome. They're lovely and warm, very fuzzy in the inside. Bo likes this a lot!
Just watched Billy Elliot with some housemates. I love that film because it brings back so many great memories. When my sister and I were younger, Mom enrolled both of us in the Linda Scafidel School of Dance. I stayed in for about 3-4 years, and didn't take up dance again until university. There, I took lessons with the USM Ballet Company and I also took part in the Irish Dance Society, both of which I enjoyed immensely. For me and Billy, ballet is just letting yourself go. You're concentrating so hard on the steps and counts that all the worries of the day just fall to the side. I may not have the body of a dance anymore, but like my advisor told me "There is always room for improvement." Similar to ballet in the feelings it gives me, Irish dance has a bit more pizazz. You're bouncing up and down more because you're on your toes, but the movements are more vertical. Whereas in ballet, they're horizontal like arabesques and grande battements. As a former dancer, and hopefully soon I'll be a current dancer again, and as a music student, the feelings that the arts give a person are definitely like "electricity." You find yourself, but just as quickly, you also lose yourself (if that makes sense). The emotion shoots right through your veins. You're flying through the air, sometimes unnoticed by the common person. It's such a public display, yet it's still a person feeling. And that's why I love the arts. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Rant finished.
Bangor hoodies are awesome. They're lovely and warm, very fuzzy in the inside. Bo likes this a lot!
Just watched Billy Elliot with some housemates. I love that film because it brings back so many great memories. When my sister and I were younger, Mom enrolled both of us in the Linda Scafidel School of Dance. I stayed in for about 3-4 years, and didn't take up dance again until university. There, I took lessons with the USM Ballet Company and I also took part in the Irish Dance Society, both of which I enjoyed immensely. For me and Billy, ballet is just letting yourself go. You're concentrating so hard on the steps and counts that all the worries of the day just fall to the side. I may not have the body of a dance anymore, but like my advisor told me "There is always room for improvement." Similar to ballet in the feelings it gives me, Irish dance has a bit more pizazz. You're bouncing up and down more because you're on your toes, but the movements are more vertical. Whereas in ballet, they're horizontal like arabesques and grande battements. As a former dancer, and hopefully soon I'll be a current dancer again, and as a music student, the feelings that the arts give a person are definitely like "electricity." You find yourself, but just as quickly, you also lose yourself (if that makes sense). The emotion shoots right through your veins. You're flying through the air, sometimes unnoticed by the common person. It's such a public display, yet it's still a person feeling. And that's why I love the arts. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
The Lark Ascending
The last three months was a learning experience. Firstly, it was very stupid and selfish of me to even think of doing such a thing to myself. Secondly, acting on emotion causes pain, not only to oneself, but to others. This type of pain makes the blood run cold, like the life candle has been snuffed. Thirdly, much anger built up. Finally, I just said, “I’m sick of dancing around the drama triangle with the rest of them. Jesus, take it from me.” He did. And I flew. I only bring this up (whilst eating pizza at half 2am) because everybody has burdens in some form and there is no need to carry those burdens alone, though this is often the way we prefer it. There is one willing to take them from you. The only thing required of you is the willingness to release it, and just let it go. Grandaddy’s motto in life was “Just let it go.” This is somewhat similar to Bobby McFerrin’s “Don’t worry. Be Happy!’ Overall, it’s the same message. Be like the lark, twitter happily, spread your wings, and fly. This is for you Southern fans: Don’t forget to shake your tail feathers!
I have a new man-friend in my life. He is not a boy, nor is he a boyfriend. Mr. Scorpio is my age, a musician, and as a masters student, has around the same amount of work to complete in 3 weeks as I do. He’s fun to talk to and we share many similar interests. Tis kind of scary, but awesome at the same time! Yes, I do have a crush on this man-friend and he knows it. I think this is the first time I’ve ever felt shy, or “giddy” about a fellow. Ah, well, first time for everything right?
I just keep thinking about that song from The Sound of Music.
Climb every mountain
Search high and low.
Follow every byway,
Every path you know.
Climb every mountain.
Ford every stream.
Follow every rainbow
Til you find your dream,
A dream that will need
All the love you can give
Everyday of your life
For as long as you live.
Moment of Gratitude
1. When I was so close to giving up my dreams those months ago, for the friends who snapped me back to reality, forcing me to realise what I mean to them and to others. Life is a jungle, but it can be a paradise when your buddies provide the bug spray. J
2. The wonderful weather in Bangor.
3. For Adam, Gabby, and Charli (Wimmy!!!), today was a bit rough, but I now feel better after talking with them
4. Scalding hot Jacuzzis at JJB…relieve pressures of work
5. For those certain pieces that remind me why I chose this profession.
6. Betty Crocker icing on a spoon. Guaranteed happiness with every mouthful!
7. For people that don’t give up on you, when you’ve long given up on yourself.
I have a new man-friend in my life. He is not a boy, nor is he a boyfriend. Mr. Scorpio is my age, a musician, and as a masters student, has around the same amount of work to complete in 3 weeks as I do. He’s fun to talk to and we share many similar interests. Tis kind of scary, but awesome at the same time! Yes, I do have a crush on this man-friend and he knows it. I think this is the first time I’ve ever felt shy, or “giddy” about a fellow. Ah, well, first time for everything right?
I just keep thinking about that song from The Sound of Music.
Climb every mountain
Search high and low.
Follow every byway,
Every path you know.
Climb every mountain.
Ford every stream.
Follow every rainbow
Til you find your dream,
A dream that will need
All the love you can give
Everyday of your life
For as long as you live.
Moment of Gratitude
1. When I was so close to giving up my dreams those months ago, for the friends who snapped me back to reality, forcing me to realise what I mean to them and to others. Life is a jungle, but it can be a paradise when your buddies provide the bug spray. J
2. The wonderful weather in Bangor.
3. For Adam, Gabby, and Charli (Wimmy!!!), today was a bit rough, but I now feel better after talking with them
4. Scalding hot Jacuzzis at JJB…relieve pressures of work
5. For those certain pieces that remind me why I chose this profession.
6. Betty Crocker icing on a spoon. Guaranteed happiness with every mouthful!
7. For people that don’t give up on you, when you’ve long given up on yourself.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)